I’m a teacher. I think I already established that in a previous post. So while, when people hear this, they tend to ‘ohh’ and ‘ahh’ and say ‘that must be hard… teenagers and that…’ I generally like, even sometimes LOVE my job and I am listened to, not only by my colleagues but by the pupils.
Yes, even the pupils. They listen to me. I am that good… okay once I’ve conditioned the children they listen to me.
My point is I am used to being listened to. Pupils jump at my every command:
‘Put your chair on all fours…’
‘Stop talking Sophie…’
‘Start writing 7b1…’
‘Pens down, eyes this way…’
These things are done almost immediately and without hardly any threat of violence.
My colleagues listen to me, dare I say it, they even respect my opinions and ideas, for the most part. It helps that I got a little bit of a reputation for ‘not giving a fuck’ when expressing my opinion on things, becoming a voice for my Department when things were being executed shittly (yes I’m using it as an adverb! Sue me). They would clap me on the back, say they’d all been thinking it. Or before a meeting they’d turn around and say ‘don’t worry the angry pregnant lady will tell the truth.’ (Obviously now I’m back and not pregnant I will rein it in as hormones are no longer an excuse and I don’t want all the ‘in charge’ people to hate me forever. I want more money, i.e. promotions.)
My whole point to this preamble is… dun dun duuuuunnnn:
I am not used to not being listened to. And yet despite this I am constantly ignored, suppressed, just not fucking listened to by my other half, every fucking day, a million times a day (I use the hyperbole for effect).
These are my ideas on why he doesn’t listen:
- He is distracted by the electronic device he has in his hand,
- He is distracted by the many hours of gaming he does in the evening,
- He does not think what I am saying needs to be stored,
- He is just incredibly ignorant,
- To him, I am not important enough to be listened to.
That last one, number 6 is the kicker. Why you ask? He is my life partner, he chose me to go through life with as his equal – well that’s how I understood relationships anyway, so… am I not his equal, does what I say not need to be listened to, or worse when sometimes he seems bored by my conversation, even telling me to ‘skip to the end’ (Which by the way would be funny if he’d even seen Spaced – but he hasn’t).
I have to ask him why? Why are we here? Why do we endure with this relationship if you cannot listen to me, cannot engage with me on an intellectual level in its simplistic form: conversation?
We used to converse all the time, about anything and everything. The first time we met was via Skype and we spent the whole day talking. He set a standard and that standard is never met now. It makes me sad that I have to corner him to converse with him, I have to surprise attack him with conversation when we’re about to go to bed, or the in the car – places he can’t run away from.
Oh I’ve gone off topic – this has turned into the Lost Conversation and that wasn’t my intention. I needed to off load about his inability to listen, his inability to listen to instructions, requests for help, reminders of plans, proposed plans and so on…
Is it all men? Is it just my man?
Plans are made, I tell him these plans. Several times. He plans something else.
I tell him something about a joint task that had to be completed concerning our family. He asks me about it 20 seconds later. I stare at him in horror. I was JUST talking about that.
In conversation, I ask three questions, a void of silence, as he plays on his phone.
And the list goes on. And on. And on… I don’t know what to do. When I bring it up to him he thinks it a joke but how do I explain to him that 12 year olds treat me better than him, respect me more than him. How do I explain that?
I know that it’s ironic that I’m writing on a blog that no-one reads, about a partner that doesn’t listen to me but oh well at least here my words are written down, I can see them and they do not float away unheard. Here they will stay and they may be unread but they will stay and that makes them matter. To me anyway.