Back seat drivers. 

I’ve been driving since I was 18, I passed first time and everything!! 

I’ve had quite a few speeding tickets, a car stolen and one or two slight accidents. Pretty good on average considering I’m 32. 

So why the fuck do people think they can sit in my car and offer unsolicited advice, critque my driving and act like I’m some sort of manic murderer intent on killing everyone and myself via ten tonnes of steel! 

Today I took my partner to work, with my little boy in the back and twice, twice idiot drivers drove… well… idiotically. 

MY first instinct is to avoid a crash. To swerve and miss the idiot drivers and quietly curse them out inside my own car. I feel this is a legitmate instinct and reaction that would be common amongst any normal human being. Please correct me if I’m wrong. 

Avoid the crash. Avoid it at all cost. Right. 

Wrong according to my partner. I’m not supposed to swerve, I’m not supposed to avoid the crash, I can stop dead or carry on but I CANNOT SWERVE!! I have the ‘moral’ high ground, therefore if we crash and die, at least we will have died ‘morally correct’. Well gee thanks. I feel much better. Oh wait I’m dead so who gives a fuck! I can’t feel. 

The second idiot cut up a junction when turning, I did have to move, but I’m okay with that, I don’t need my day filled with dealing with a crash… this is of course assuming I don’t die. My partner pulled on the handbrake, got out of the car and followed the driver down the cul-de-sac, all the while screaming at me for swerving! TO AVOID THE CRASH… I cannot keep specifying that enough. 

Getting back in the car, he smugly states how suddenly the idiotic driver was so excessively apologetic. What’s your fucking point?!?!? 

So you’re perfect scenario, if we don’t crash, is to stop dead, exit my car, which more often than not has my infant son in, and confront the person in the car… who is usually a older, taller male (sorry that I’m perpetrating sterotypes but this is just my experience). To what end?? 

You, my partner, muscular, tall and willinging to punch a man who threatens to harm his child while driving, you can confront him. I, who, can deadlift 60kg on a good day, but has never been in a fight, still carrys some persistent baby weight, 5,5 and hates confrontation, or any contact with strangers will not. And no amount of shaming, lose of temper or general annoyance will make me. 

I was texted later that day with an enquiry about my day and a kiss at the end of the text. Holy shit… that means, without a shadow of a doubt, my partner knows what an absolute douche he has been and this is the closest I will get to an apology, well that and some really good sex later (Check). 

I’ll chalk today up as a win – common sense prevails… when I’m driving. When he’s driving. I fully expect his last words to be: “morally in the right.” And mine will be: “oh shut the fuck up…”

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